Letter to Myself Written in My 1964 Yearbook

Well, today its June 5, 1964 and I am out of the tenth grade (Big Deal) This is a wonderful year for me, I’ll never forget it.  Mary Daly, Sharon Mitchell, Susie House, Van Beverstock, Jim Buckner, The Sunland Hospital, Cheryl DeWald, Roger Henderson, Mr. Forman, Mr. Goddard, Mrs. Evans, Gym Mr. Folson, Barry Vaugh, Mrs. Rhoden, Mrs. Graf and Miss. Megle.  And Bobby Livingston.

 I wish I could write all I feel but it's hard to know what to say.  I know life is worth living if you only try to do your best.  I’m growing up and I know it.  I can feel myself.  I know some of my wims (whims)aren’t childish anymore.  I know were (where) I’m going in life and what I’m going to do. 

Tonight I’m in love with the world itself.  I have no greater yearning than to live life to my fullest.  I want to be a success and I want others to have success.  I don’t want to think about hate and violence.  Yes, I am going up.  If I die bury me where my heart is. 

True, at the moment I have a mad crush but it’s different.  He likes me.  Mary, we’re growing up.  Tomorrow you go to New York, last night he kissed me.  He graduated.  This year has been filled with so many things. I don’t know where to start.  First there was Sunland (Hospital) then Barry and Don. John Gary and Christmas and a hospital filled with balloons and children.  The Biology Club, the University of Florida and Miami and the Beatles and Daytona. 

I loved Daytona; I loved the waves, the hair dryers, the blisters, the sun, the rafts, the moon, the sun, the night, the boys, and the atmosphere, everything about it. I loved.  I met Bobby and he kept my hair dry and pinched me and called me barbed wire.

Growing up is being independent.  I’m getting to be very independent.

Graduation.  My Bobby graduated yesterday.  No tears, just smiles and well wishes and kisses.  He likes me and I like him.  That’s all that counts right now. I may never marry him.  I probably won’t go steady but for now he is my center and He will be for a long while.  (Bobby gave me my first kiss at his graduation.  It was only one kiss…just saying)

I never forget yesterday or that one boy who had no one.  You do need to be needed.  Everyone has to be needed.  That’s what life is. 

Summer is here and I going to have fun.  I’m growing up!  Everyone is.  We don’t depend on each other so much anymore.  Everyone is maturing now.  I’m 15 and I know I’ve got a lifetime ahead.  I think you realize it only at 15.  That’s when you grow up.  I can accept responsibilities now. 

This year is growing old now.  I can feel it slipping away and it will soon be gone only a memory.  I do love living.  I love people.  I love children.  I love God.

I want to meet many people I want to become a part of them.  I want to really mean something to someone.  I want to find my place in life.  I’ve got a lot of living to do and lots of people to meet and places to see and new loves to know.  And I don’t want to ever fail anyone. Most of all I want to be me.  I want to mean a lot to someone who means a lot to me. 

This year couldn’t be forgotten.  This night is extraordinary.  I can feel it.  Tonight my brother and I had a long talk and I just beginning to understand him.  Mary is leaving and I know we’re not crazy teenagers anymore.  We’re growing up.  We’re beginning to see how life was meant to be lived. 

God help find myself and what I really want in life. I want to have a wonderful life. This year has been long and I wanted it to end the minuet is started but now I want to relive it. All my thoughts have been poured out and I know now that I’ve written what I needed to say. I want to write more but there’s nothing left to say, except that I want to have a good life. I want to really have a wonderful life. I want to have lots of kids and a husband and a career and I want to be loved. Please never let me be left alone without anyone who cares. This feeling comes seldom and I know now that it is slipping away to be lost as a memory. I hope my life isn’t filled with just memories, but I want to live every moment of everyday as something new and exciting.  I want to live as a good kind person should.  Yes, I want to be religious but that will come when I am ready for it. I love this year and all that times I’ve cried this year I know now were wasted for I have a good life I have what really counts in life. I have a home, a family, luxuries of friends, and the Sunland children who have given me more than anyone in this world. God let me never leave them.

In closing, I want to say that I vow to try to make the very best of life. And that somewhere someway I will become the center of someone who needs me as much as I need him. Help me to help others and myself as well.  Dear God. 

Thanks,

Roxie